Sometimes the most meaningful gifts we give aren’t wrapped in pretty paper or tied with a bow. Gifts for hard times can be as simple as a meal left on the porch, a text that says, “I’m thinking about you,” or sitting beside someone when there really aren’t any words that will make things better.
I’ve shared a lot of gift ideas here on Wendy’s Cozy Home. Most of them have been for happy occasions. Weddings, new babies, birthdays, holidays, new homes, retirement, and all those wonderful milestones give us plenty of reasons to celebrate the people we love.
But life isn’t always made up of celebrations.
Sometimes the people we love are walking through things we desperately wish we could fix.
Depression.
The death of someone they love.
Losing a job.
Divorce.
Miscarriage or infertility.
Serious illness.
Financial problems.
Loneliness.
And sometimes, someone we love reaches such a dark place that they begin wondering whether they want to keep living.
Those are the times when we may not know what to do.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately, and I think perhaps we worry too much about finding the perfect thing to say or do.
Maybe what matters most is simply making sure the person knows we’re there.
Why Gifts for Hard Times Mean So Much to Me
This subject is very personal for me.
I’ve had periods in my own life when I struggled with depression and reached some very dark places.
When I was about 17 years old, I got into an argument with my parents. Like many teenagers, I didn’t yet have the perspective that comes with getting older.
Whatever was happening that day felt enormous.
For some reason, in that moment, I decided life wasn’t worth living.
I attempted to take my own life.
But there’s something about those moments that I remember very clearly. Even while I was making those attempts, deep down, I don’t think I truly wanted to die. I was hurting, overwhelmed, and unable to see past what I was feeling at the time.
After each attempt, I remember being scared.
I prayed that I wouldn’t die.
And when I survived, I wasn’t disappointed that my attempt hadn’t succeeded.
I was happy.
I was grateful to still be here.
One of the things that strikes me most when I look back on that time is that I don’t think most people around me had any idea how much I was struggling inside.
From the outside, I probably looked happy and content.
I went about my life. I talked to people. I smiled. I did the things I normally did.
But what people saw on the outside didn’t always match what I was feeling on the inside.
I think that’s something worth remembering when we look at the people around us today.
We can’t always tell who is hurting just by looking at them.
Someone can smile, laugh, go to work or school, take care of their family, and appear to have everything together while quietly carrying something very heavy.
Looking back, I think what I really wanted wasn’t for my life to end.
I wanted the pain I was feeling in that moment to end.
That’s an important distinction to me now.
Thankfully, I survived.
There was another time a few years later when I found myself in that dark place again. I survived that too, and eventually I learned something I wish I could go back and tell my younger self.
The way you feel right now isn’t necessarily the way you’re always going to feel.
At 17, I couldn’t see the rest of my life.
I couldn’t see the people I hadn’t met yet, the family I would someday have, the places I would go, or the ordinary days that would someday mean so much to me.
I could only see that moment.
And that moment hurt.
Looking back now, I’m incredibly grateful that one terrible moment didn’t get to decide the rest of my story.
Sometimes the Most Important Gift Is Staying
Unfortunately, suicide touched my family again a few years later.
My brother-in-law died by suicide.
That loss left behind questions, sadness, and memories that don’t simply disappear with time.
One of the hardest things for me to think about is knowing that at some point, he realized he wanted help and tried to get it.
He didn’t get the years afterward that I did.
That has stayed with me.
Suicide is complicated. I would never suggest that a gift basket, casserole, cozy blanket, or kind conversation can fix something so serious.
But I do believe people need people.
Sometimes we need someone willing to notice that we’re not okay.
Someone willing to sit with us.
Someone who doesn’t immediately try to fix everything.
Someone who will listen.
And sometimes we need someone who recognizes that what we’re going through is more than they can handle alone and helps us find the support we need.
That’s why gifts for hard times aren’t really about presents at all.
They’re about showing up.
Gifts for Hard Times When Someone Is Depressed
When someone is struggling with depression, everyday responsibilities can sometimes feel much bigger than they normally would.
This is where I think practical kindness can be wonderful.
Instead of saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” try offering something specific.
Bring dinner.
Drop off their favorite treat.
Send groceries.
Pick their children up from school.
Offer to watch the kids for a few hours.
Walk their dog.
Mow the lawn.
Take their garbage cans to the curb.
Bring over a cozy blanket, comfortable pajamas, fuzzy socks, a book, or a favorite snack.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money.
You don’t necessarily have to spend any money.
Sometimes you can simply sit with them.
One of my favorite ideas is sending a message that doesn’t require anything in return.
“I’ve been thinking about you today. You don’t need to respond. I just wanted you to know that I love you.”
There’s no pressure to carry on a conversation.
No expectation.
Just love.
Sometimes that’s exactly what someone needs.
When Someone You Love Is Thinking About Suicide
This is where I want to make an important distinction.
If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, a thoughtful gift isn’t enough.
Please take them seriously.
Don’t worry that asking someone directly about suicide will somehow put the idea into their head. The National Institute of Mental Health says research shows that asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior.
NIMH recommends five steps when you’re concerned about someone: ask if they’re thinking about suicide, be there and listen, help keep them safe, help them connect with support, and follow up afterward.
You can read the National Institute of Mental Health’s 5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide here:
If someone tells you that they’re going to kill themselves, don’t leave them alone and don’t promise to keep it a secret. Help them connect with immediate support.
In the United States, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides crisis support for people experiencing suicidal crisis or emotional distress.
Call: 988
Text: 988
Online chat: https://988lifeline.org/chat/
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/
You don’t have to wait until someone is actively suicidal to reach out to 988. Emotional distress is enough reason to ask for help.
If there is an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Know Some of the Warning Signs
I also think it’s important to learn a little about what to watch for.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, possible warning signs can include someone talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, feeling like a burden, experiencing unbearable emotional or physical pain, withdrawing from friends and family, saying goodbye, giving away important belongings, taking dangerous risks, or having extreme changes in mood.
You can find NIMH’s complete Warning Signs of Suicide resource here:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/warning-signs-of-suicide
But I also want to add something from my own experience.
Not everyone who is struggling will look like they’re struggling.
I didn’t.
That’s why I don’t think we should wait until someone fits a checklist before we reach out.
Sometimes we simply know someone well enough to notice that something feels different.
And sometimes we don’t notice anything at all.
Kindness is still never wasted.
Gifts for Hard Times After Losing Someone
Grief is another situation where we often feel like we need to say something profound.
We don’t.
Sometimes “I’m so sorry” really is enough.
One of the best things we can do for someone who is grieving is take care of ordinary things while their world feels anything but ordinary.
Bring a freezer meal.
Send a restaurant or grocery gift card.
Put together a basket of easy snacks for family members coming and going.
Drop off paper plates, cups, napkins, and disposable utensils so there are fewer dishes to wash.
Offer to pick something up from the store.
Take the kids somewhere for an afternoon.
Help with yard work.
Then do something that I think is incredibly important.
Remember them later.
Lots of people show up during the first week.
Three months later can be very different.
Put a reminder in your calendar to send a message.
Remember the birthday of the person who died.
Remember the anniversary.
Check in around the holidays.
One of the most meaningful gifts for hard times is simply remembering that someone’s grief didn’t end when everyone else’s lives returned to normal.
Gifts for Hard Times After Losing a Job
Losing a job can bring obvious financial stress, but it can also affect someone’s confidence and sense of security.
This is another time when practical gifts can be especially helpful.
A grocery gift card might mean more than something decorative.
You could invite the family to dinner, bring over a meal, help with childcare during interviews, review a résumé, or share job opportunities that genuinely seem like a good fit.
If you’re very close to the person and know what they need, you might quietly help with something specific.
The important thing is not making someone feel embarrassed or like a charity project.
Companies close.
Positions are eliminated.
Budgets change.
People make mistakes.
Circumstances change.
A person’s employment status doesn’t determine their worth.
Sometimes one of the best gifts for hard times is encouragement while someone figures out what comes next.
Gifts for Hard Times We Don’t Always See
I think back to that 17-year-old version of myself when I write this section.
People didn’t necessarily know what was going on inside me.
And I wonder how many people we pass every day who are doing the same thing.
Not every difficult season is obvious.
Someone may be struggling after a miscarriage while everyone around her seems to be announcing pregnancies.
Someone may be going through infertility and quietly dreading every baby shower invitation.
Someone may be caring for an aging parent while trying to work and raise children.
Someone may have received frightening medical news.
Someone’s marriage may be falling apart.
Someone may have recently moved and feel completely alone.
A military spouse may be trying to keep everything running during a deployment.
Someone may be drowning financially and hiding it beautifully.
Someone may simply be lonely.
We won’t always know.
A smile doesn’t necessarily mean everything is okay.
Neither does a clean house, a successful career, a happy social media account, a good marriage, a beautiful family, or a person who seems to have everything together.
That’s why I think it’s worth paying attention to the people around us.
If someone keeps crossing your mind, reach out.
You don’t need to know exactly what’s happening before you’re allowed to be kind.
Some of the Best Gifts for Hard Times Are Free
I’ve written plenty of gift lists filled with things you can buy, and I love giving gifts.
But this list is different.
Some of my favorite gifts for hard times don’t cost anything.
Sit and listen.
Make a phone call.
Send a text.
Offer a ride.
Fold some laundry.
Watch someone’s children.
Walk their dog.
Bring their garbage cans back from the street.
Sit beside them at church.
Invite them to dinner.
Remember an important date.
Ask them to go for a walk.
Let them cry without trying to make the crying stop.
Sometimes we’re so worried about saying the wrong thing that we don’t say anything.
I’d rather have someone awkwardly tell me, “I don’t know what to say, but I love you,” than disappear because they couldn’t find perfect words.
One of the Best Gifts for Hard Times Is Following Up
This might be one of my biggest suggestions.
Follow up.
When something terrible happens, people often rally around.
Then a few weeks pass.
Everyone returns to work, school, errands, appointments, and normal life.
The person going through the hard thing may still be right in the middle of it.
Set a reminder on your phone.
Check in next week.
Then check in again.
This is especially important after someone has experienced suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis. Continued follow-up is actually one of the five action steps recommended by the National Institute of Mental Health.
Your message doesn’t have to be long.
“How are you doing today?”
“I’ve been thinking about you.”
“Want to come over for dinner?”
“I’m headed to the grocery store. What can I grab for you?”
Little things can carry a surprising amount of love.
You Don’t Have to Fix Someone’s Hard Time
There’s one more thing I think is important to say about gifts for hard times.
You aren’t responsible for fixing everything.
You can’t take away someone’s grief.
You can’t cure depression.
You can’t undo a divorce.
You can’t make someone’s diagnosis disappear.
You can’t give someone their job back.
And when someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, friendship and love matter tremendously, but they aren’t substitutes for crisis support or professional care.
You don’t have to know how to solve the problem.
You can help someone take the next step.
You can sit beside them while they make a phone call.
You can drive them somewhere.
You can help them contact someone they trust.
You can stay with them during a crisis.
And you can keep showing up afterward.
Sometimes that’s the gift.
If You’re the One Going Through the Hard Time
Maybe you clicked on this post because you wanted to help somebody else.
But maybe you didn’t.
Maybe you’re the one who’s hurting.
If that’s you, there’s something I want to tell you from the perspective of someone who has been in a very dark place herself.
You can’t see your entire life from where you’re standing today.
I couldn’t either.
At 17, I had absolutely no idea what was waiting for me.
There were people I hadn’t met.
There were people I hadn’t loved yet.
There were experiences I hadn’t had.
There were places I hadn’t gone.
There were Christmas mornings, family dinners, vacations, recipes, laughter, ordinary afternoons, mistakes, second chances, and thousands of little moments I couldn’t possibly have imagined.
I would have missed all of them.
I’m so grateful today for the prayers I whispered after those attempts, hoping that I would survive.
I’m grateful those prayers were answered.
And I’m grateful that the frightened girl who suddenly realized she wanted to live was given more time to discover just how much life was still waiting for her.
If you’re thinking about suicide or hurting yourself, please tell someone now.
Tell a family member.
Tell a friend.
Tell a counselor.
Tell a doctor.
Tell someone who can stay with you and help you through this moment.
If you’re in the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or use their online chat:
You can also find information about getting mental health care through the National Institute of Mental Health’s Help for Mental Illnesses page:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help
Please give tomorrow the chance to be different from today.
Sometimes the Gift Is Simply Showing Up
The more gift posts I write, the more I’m realizing that the best gifts usually aren’t about how much money we spend.
They’re about knowing someone well enough to notice what they need.
And gifts for hard times may be the greatest example of that.
Bring the casserole.
Send the gift card.
Buy the fuzzy blanket.
Drop off the cookies.
Those things can absolutely bring comfort.
But don’t forget the part that can’t be wrapped.
Listen.
Notice.
Remember.
Check in again.
Stay when things are uncomfortable.
Help someone find more support when they need it.
And perhaps most importantly, don’t assume that because someone looks happy on the outside, everything is okay on the inside.
I know from my own life that sometimes the people who appear happy and content are carrying things no one else can see.
Be kind anyway.
Reach out anyway.
Ask anyway.
And remind the people you love, in whatever little ways you can, that their lives matter.
Sometimes that may be the most thoughtful gift we ever give.
Thank you so much for spending a little part of your day here with me. I truly hope something you found in this post helps make your life a little easier, save you a little money, encourage you to create something special, or simply inspires you to reach out to someone who may need a little extra love today.
🤍Making every house feel a little more like home.
More in the Thoughtful Gift Ideas for Every Occasion Series
- Anniversary Gifts
- Wedding Gifts
- Baby Shower Gifts
- Housewarming Gifts
- Thinking of You Gifts
- Get Well Soon Gifts
- Sympathy Gifts
- Teacher Appreciation Gifts
- College Care Packages
- Retirement Gifts
- Birthday Gifts
- Valentine’s Day Gifts
- Just Because Gifts
